Friday, January 1, 2010

New Years Resolutions 2010: How TV Characters Plan to Change in the New Year

It’s 2010- the start of a new year and a new decade. At times like this, we tend to reevaluate our situations and resolve to do better at something. I have personally noticed that my TV has been inundated with diet commercials for the past few days. I even saw a special diet book table set up in the front of the local Borders near my parents’ house yesterday. Because it’s the holidays and I’m too lazy to continue working on my recaps for the two most recent episodes of Dollhouse (those will be coming soon, I promise), I thought it might be fun to think for a bit about the New Years resolutions of some of our favorite television characters. Being the dedicated TV blogger that I am, I went and collected some of these resolutions for your enjoyment.

To no longer listen to Sarah when she tells me to “stay in the car.” Okay, I know I’ve never really listened to her when she told me to stay in the car in the first place, but now I’m really never going to listen. I mean, dude! I know kung fu now! I think I can handle myself. And maybe then Sarah won’t feel like she always has to protect me
-Chuck Bartowski

I need to turn that fickle donkey wheel again. Then I can have another crack at killing John Locke. And I have got to remember not to trust him when, after I’ve killed him yet again, he claims to be resurrected. That didn’t really end well for anyone. Live and learn, I suppose, especially when there are endless possibilities for resetting the timeline
-Ben Linus

I should do some pro bono work- maybe provide legal services to a nonprofit organization. Just because I’m a corporate tool and not saving the world for my day job doesn’t mean I can’t save the world at night. Like Superman. Or any of those guys who hunt Nessie or Sasquatch. Or is that their day job? That would be awesome!
-Marshall Eriksen

I will use the unfathomable number of political favors I have accumulated over the years to have legislation enacted that will ban the use of hair gel and other similar products by men. Overly gelled hair on a man disgusts me. Oh, and I should probably destroy Will Schuster, too. But that really shouldn’t take much work.
-Sue Sylvester

I intend to successfully petition Dr. Gablehauser for a raise. Subsequently, I would be able to cover the entirety of apartment rent on my own, Leonard would move out, and I would finally have the Fortress of Solitude that a true super genius like me needs and deserves. Someone with my superior intellect should not have to mingle with riff raff.
-Sheldon Cooper

When you have lived for a thousand years, there’s really nothing to change. Maybe I’ll pick up some teacup humans for the bar. Provide the customers with some novel entertainment. And they could provide a new challenge to Pam as well. Buying new shoes gets old eventually. I should know, considering I’m a thousand years old.
-Eric Northman

I want to be my best. And has anyone seen Sierra? I saved her half my breakfast. She likes pancakes. I like pancakes, too. They are sweet. Especially with fruit. Fruit is sweet as well. And sometimes sour. I enjoy fruit. Dr. Saunders says fruit is nutritious. It helps me to be my best. Dr. Saunders is nice. Where is Dr. Saunders?

How about I try not to get caught in ethical dilemmas anymore, considering the last time ended with me dismembering a body. Oh…I probably shouldn’t have mentioned that. How about refusing to give into curiosity? The last time I did that, I invented technology that could end the world. I probably shouldn’t have mentioned that, either. Damn.
-Topher Brink

I want to reclaim my rightful high score on the Frogger game I just installed in the Psych office. Gus beat my high score earlier this week, and we all know he cheats. Oh and Abigail beat my score too when she stopped by the office yesterday. Beginner’s luck. It’s like Dad and the Duck Hunt high score all over again.
-Shawn Spencer

I need to move on with my life after the death of a good friend. Her name was Sophie. She died in an explosion a few weeks ago, and I could barely get through the eulogy at her funeral. I think she misses all of us. She sounded kind of lonely when I called her at her flat in London yesterday.

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