Once Upon a Time 2.09: "Queen of Hearts"

“Oh you foolish girl! Don’t you know? Love is weakness.”
-Cora

The fall finale of “Once Upon a Time” showed one area where creators Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz seem to have learned from their experience working on “Lost.” They seem to be making an effort here to parcel out the mythology in small bites and create defined story arks within that larger mythology. There isn’t one defined goal for the whole series like there was on “Lost” (getting off the Island…or so we thought). Instead, there seems to be a goal per season or half season. Last season it was breaking the curse and making the people of Storybrooke remember their true identities. This half-season was about getting Emma and Snow back to Storybrooke. This will hopefully help Kitsis and Horowitz to avoid completely pointless episodes like “Lost’s” “Stranger in a Strange Land,” because there is always something new that the characters are working to achieve. In the course of watching the characters try to meet these goals, we’ve been given backstory, often in the form of the character-centric episodes that were a staple of “Lost.” Actually, I think that “Once Upon a Time” is strongest when it sticks to the character-centric episode model. When it doesn’t it becomes a bit meandering and disjointed. This particular episode wasn’t character-centric, but because it was trying to wrap up the story arc, it held together anyway.

We start with an Enchanted Forest flashback, where Hook finds Belle in Regina’s dungeons. Hook offers to free Belle if she helps him kill Rumpelstiltskin (because of that whole feud they had over Rumpel’s wife back in the day). Belle, since she’s still inexplicably in love with Rumpelstiltskin, refuses. Hook is about to attack Belle when Regina enters the dungeon and stops him. Regina says that she is in a better position to help Hook kill Rumpelstiltskin, and she will help him if Hook helps her kill her mother in exchange. Hook agrees, and Regina pulls out Jefferson’s hat to send Hook to the land to which she banished Cora long ago. Wonderland, of course. It doesn’t take Hook long at all to find Cora in Wonderland. She’s the Queen of Hearts, naturally. And so we see the beginning of Hook and Cora’s unholy alliance.

Cora explains to Hook that if Regina’s curse happens as planned, it will still be more difficult than Hook thinks to kill Rumpelstiltskin. In the land without magic, nobody will remember their true identities, so Hook won’t even remember that he wants to kill Rumpelstiltskin. Instead, Cora wants Hook to help her kill Regina. So Hook and Cora head back to the Enchanted Forest, and Hook shows Regina a seemingly dead Cora in a coffin. Regina asks for some time to say goodbye, and she gives this long monologue about how Cora was her weakness, and now that she’s gone, she can do what she needs to do. After Regina leaves the room, Cora sits up, clearly not dead. She’s shaken by what Regina said, and she’s worried that Regina might have gone farther down the dark path than she originally thought (she’s not upset that Regina’s gone evil, she’s upset that Regina might be able to defeat her, really). Cora tells Hook they need a new plan. They are going to protect themselves from Regina’s curse with a sort of freezing spell. This spell is what created the safe haven we saw the ladies visit earlier in the season. This is when I became especially appreciative at how quickly the creative team is explaining things.

In Storybrooke, Mr. Gold is still trying to work all the angles, as always. He’s kind of the Ben Linus of this piece in that sense. He wants Regina to help him sort of poison the portal that Emma and Snow are supposed to use to get home, because both he and Regina are worried that Cora might come through that portal instead. He points out that Regina really wins either way. If Cora comes through the portal first, she dies and Regina is free of that baggage. If Emma and Snow come through the portal first and die, than Regina will be the only mother figure left in Henry’s life. Gross. Regina seems a little reluctant to participate in this at first because of her promise to Henry, but when she sees Henry reading fairy tales to a still comatose Charming, she tells Henry that she’s going to go help Emma and Snow. Instead, she helps Mr. Gold steal all the diamonds from the mine so that they will have enough magic to poison the portal.

In the present day Enchanted Forest, the ladies find Rumpelstiltskin’s old cell (the one where Snow and Charming talked to him about how to avoid Regina’s curse). They’re looking for the squid ink that is supposed to help them return home. As they’re searching around, Aurora finds a scroll that just has “Emma” written on it over and over. Clearly things aren’t going to be quite as easy as Emma and Snow hoped. Oops. Things then go from bad to worse. Aurora (controlled by Cora) locks the gang in the cell, and then Cora arrives to make her Evil Speech of Evil about how she has Aurora’s heart. Hook is with her, too. While the ladies are stewing in the cell and trying to figure out how to get free, Emma realizes that she’s been Rumpelstiltskin’s pawn for pretty much her entire life. He set things in motion to almost guarantee she’d be the Savior he needed.

After the Evil Speech of Evil is said and done, Cora and Hook head out to the (now dry) lake, because they’re hoping the lakes magic will re-energize the wardrobe dust and create a portal. The dry-ness of the lake isn’t much of a problem, because Cora just uses her own magic to make the water reappear. Cheater. Back at the dungeons, Snow realizes that the writing on the scroll Aurora found is all in squid ink, and she uses that magic to break them out of jail. Cora and Hook are just about ready to jump through the portal (which Regina and Gold have successfully poisoned on their end) when the ladies arrive on the scene. First the ladies successfully retrieve Aurora’s heart, and Mulan rushes off to return it to its rightful owner (this whole concept of ripping out hearts is so odd…and gross). Snow and Emma continue the fight, and the first on Team Evil to go down is Hook, thanks to a knock-out punch from Emma. Cora is a bit more difficult to take down because she can teleport, but she’s stopped when she tries to grab Emma’s heart and is stunned by the realization that it is magically impervious to her heart-grabbing ways.

As soon as Henry finds out what Regina and Gold are up to, he heads out to the magic well and begs them to stop. Gold still wants to leave the portal curse in place, but Henry insists that good always triumphs and it will be Emma and Snow coming through that portal, not Cora. Regina finally decides to believe Henry, and she steps up to the well and absorbs the curse herself. It takes a toll on her, but she survives. Emma and Snow are indeed the ones to come through the portal, and there’s a happy little family reunion while Regina just glowers from the sidelines. She’s feeling left out, poor thing (that was sarcasm for you Sheldons out there). Emma goes the pawn shop (what an appropriate place for Mr. Gold to own, by the way) to talk to Mr. Gold about what she learned in the Enchanted Forest. He admits that he did orchestrate most of her life, but the magical impervious heart powers were all hers. Snow awakens Charming, and Henry thanks Regina for saving everybody. Emma, who has rejoined the group by that point, suggests that they all go over to Granny’s to celebrate. Regina decides not to join and continues to look sullen.

Back in the Enchanted Forest, Mulan gives Aurora her heart back. Aurora tells Mulan about how she learned that people ffected by the sleeping curse aren’t really dead, and the two ladies decide that their next mission is going to be to try and rescue Prince Phillip. On our side of the portal, we see the Storybrooke crew happily walking down the street to Granny’s. The camera pans out, and we see a ship approaching the Maine coast. In what might be my absolute favorite moment of the series thus far (mostly because of the really cool visual), we learn that this is Captain Hook’s ship. He and Cora somehow found their way into our universe, and they’re heading to Storybrooke to make trouble. Hook and Cora’s arrival should make for a very exciting second half of the season. I certainly don’t object to seeing more Hook. He’s a somewhat more cleaned up Captain Jack Sparrow, which is most definitely fun to watch.

Person of Interest 2.08: "'Til Death"

“Besides, our journey starts here. Any mystery around the corner, we can discover together.”
- Grace

This week we begin with a flashback to 2006. Finch and Grace are at a bar chatting about painting and Italy. They have such an easy chemistry together and they appear to genuinely enjoy each other’s company. I suppose that may have something to do with the fact that Carrie Preston and Michael Emerson are married (and odd side-note she played his mother in an episode of LOST). Back in the present, Finch is out walking Bear near Grace’s apartment. I’m guessing this is a common ritual. Unfortunately, a pay phone rings with not one but two new numbers. Finch fills Reese in on our duo, Sabrina and Daniel Drake co-owners of a small publishing house. By the way, Mr. Drake is played by Mark Pellegrino 9so that’s two Lost-alum shows he’s been on this week). Reese heads to the office to see what he can find out while Finch heads to their house to snoop. They think that a militia leader named Wade Huggins may be after them for publishing a scathing expose on his organization.

Reese manages to get into the building without a problem. He’s there under the guise of attending a meeting with Harold Crane who never intends to show up. Got to love Finch when he’s being crafty. Anyway, Reese overhears a meeting between the Drakes and Henry Brooks, their first investor. There’s an offer to buy the company but Sabrina doesn’t want to sell. Sounds like discord among the top brass. Meanwhile, at the house, Finch downloads some files off their computer. The house is huge but a bit of a mess. Looks like a giant remodel. Shortly after the meeting with Henry, Finch and Reese are tailing the couple on different sides of town. Reese has to call Carter for intel on Wade because Lionel keeps sending his calls to voicemail. Lionel is acting a little jumpy and sketchy this episode. As Sabrina is leaving her meeting he spots a guy putting something under her car. He discovers it’s a bomb and gets it away from the car before it blows. He disables it as Finch waits with baited breath on the other end of the line. Finch has to jack Daniel’s second phone and it looks like he may have taken a hit out on his wife.

Finch and Reese listen in as the Drakes are arguing on their way back to the office. Meanwhile, Finch has enlisted Carter’s help in tracking down the bomber (an old friend of Daniel’s). Meanwhile, Reese inquires why the Drakes just don’t get a divorce and we get a rather humorous bit where Reese tries to guess where Finch grew up based on what baseball teams he likes. It doesn’t get him anywhere, though. Over at the precinct, Carter gets her new pal, Beecher, to look into the whereabouts of Santiago (the bomber). There’s definitely some chemistry there. Reese follows the Drakes to a book signing for one of their authors and comes to realization that the machine spit out both numbers because both Mr. and Mrs. Drake are victim and perpetrator. Sabrina hired a sniper to take out her husband.

We jump back to 2006 and Finch and Nathan are having dinner. Finch is reluctant to talk about Grace and Nathan warns that too much mystery in a relationship can be a problem. He recounts seeing his ex-wife a friend’s wedding and how she just ignored him. Sounds kind of harsh. In the present, we find Lionel on a first date with a woman named Rhonda. A mutual friend set them up. Of course Finch tracks him down and sends him to stake out Sabrina at the office while Reese and Carter keep tabs on Daniel at home. It’s not long before both hit men take their second shots. Reese roughs the sniper up a bit but he gets away. As Daniel is protesting and asking what’s going on, Reese knocks him out and stuffs him in the trunk. Carter is rather appalled. Meanwhile, Lionel is tracking down Santiago. They exchange a few shots but he gets Sabrina out of there. Of course, just as Carter gets introduced to Rhonda (she went on stakeout with him), Reese puts a bag over Sabrina’s head and tosses her in the back of the car. Because that’s so legal, John.

Kidnapping the Drakes is Reese’s idea of marriage counseling. His tack of trying to force the information about their respective hit men by just being himself and cocking a gun doesn’t work. All the Drakes do is snipe at each other. We cut briefly to Lionel and Rhonda saying good night with the promise of another date in their futures. It’s nice to see Lionel get some attention and be happy. As our gang watches the Drakes continue to bicker, Finch thinks they need to try something different. We cut to one of the sweetest flashbacks ever. It’s Grace’s birthday and Finch sends her on a scavenger hunt. First to the ice cream truck near where Finch first plucked up the courage to meet her. Then that evening she goes to an art gallery. Back in the present, Finch sets out wine and a nice meal for the Drakes with a picture from their home where they looked happy and in love. I felt there was a little bit of Ben sneaking into this scene. We gain a few tidbits about why the Drakes let their feelings fester to hate. At one point in time, Sabrina was pregnant. But based on the looks on their faces, she lost the baby. Reese decides, after Sabrina and Daniel give up what little information they have, to take them home to set a trap.

Using the Drakes as bait works out well. Carter and Lionel take out Santiago and his boys while Reese handles the sniper (using a nail gun to do him in). As all of this is going down, Sabrina and Daniel have a heart to heart. They shut each other out after she lost the baby and just stopped communicating. They share a passionate kiss before they’re both taken away in handcuffs. With their lawyers, they won’t be doing much time. We end with Finch showing Grace around the gallery, including a painting by her favorite Italian painter (I’m thinking Finch bought it). Grace says she’s had the best birthday and Finch is about to tell her all about himself and the Machine when she stops him. She tells him nothing he says will drive her away and that he should tell her in his own time. Whatever’s out there, they’ll face together. God I wish he could get back together with her!

Nashville 1.07: "Lovesick Blues"

“You know what, Teddy? I believe you. I just don’t think anybody else will.”
-Coleman

Man did the drama heat up in “Lovesick Blues.” Well, the heat was turned up, and then kind of turned back down, to be accurate. Thing got pretty testy between a number of characters by the mid-point of this episode, but by the end, everything seemed to be on an even keel again. Except for Avery and Scarlett. They’re still most definitely broken up, thank goodness. I liked this episode because it really focused in on the music. The political stuff was only on the periphery and barely took up any of the episode’s time at all. Instead of political drama, this episode focused on a big concert for the 25th anniversary of Rayna and Juliette’s record label. Although, honestly, I’m not sure why either of them are still with this particular label. The label doesn’t treat them especially well, and both could probably make plenty of money for any label in Nashville. Overall, the episode was better structured than most. All of the plot threads came together, at least loosely, at the big anniversary concert. I like to see care taken in the structure of individual episodes, so that was definitely a sign that “Nashville” is trying to be more than a simple nighttime soap.

Since both Rayna and Juliette are in the doghouse with their label, Rayna for wanting to change her sound and Juliette for being a PR disaster, the label is putting a lot of pressure on both of them regarding the anniversary concert. Marshall Evans, head of the label, even wants to meet with both of them individually. He is only going to let Juliette perform one song in the show, and it’s going to be a duet with Rayna of all people. Rayna doesn’t like the idea of performing a duet with Juliette any more than Juliette wants to perform with Rayna. Marshall’s tactic for getting Rayna to do his bidding is the threat of an immediate Greatest Hits album. Rayna hated the idea of greatest hits when her dad tried it, and she hates it just as much now. More than she hates Juliette, apparently. This time, however, Rayna takes the pressure and uses it to get something positive. She has her manager tell Marshall that because she’s doing the label a huge favor by helping to rehab Juliette’s image, the label is going to let her do whatever she wants with her next album, and that means Liam will be producing.

There is also, of course, plenty of Gunnar/Scarlett/Avery drama in this episode. Thanks to sleeping with his manager, Avery and his band get to headline a pretty big show. Meanwhile, over at the Bluebird, Scarlett is still moping around about the break-up, even though she was the one who left the relationship. Gunnar suggests that maybe Scarlett should write about it, barely hiding his frustration at their inability to get any work done, but Scarlett’s not having it. She wants to keep on moping. She’s driving her Uncle Deacon crazy, too. We get a kind of amusing scene of Scarlett bustling around Deacon’s kitchen like there’s no tomorrow while poor Deacon is just trying to get some breakfast. Deacon thinks Scarlett needs to get out and get her mind of Avery, so he offers to get her and Gunnar tickets for the big anniversary show. Hayley has a similar idea and takes Scarlett out to a club. When Gunnar sees her, he can’t take his eyes off of her, even though he’s supposed to be with Hayley. That can’t end well.

Meanwhile, in the brief foray into the political plot this week, Coleman calls Teddy while Teddy is just about to sit down for a family dinner. He wants to meet by the Riverwalk to talk candidate to candidate, and Teddy agrees. At the Riverwalk, Coleman shows Teddy the pictures of him and Peggy and tells Teddy to withdraw from the race, or he’s going to leak the photos. Teddy takes the problem to Lamar, who advises Teddy to just come clean. Teddy hasn’t really done anything wrong that can be proven (he hasn’t had an affair and the credit union stuff has been buried), so he’s better off getting it all out in the open. Teddy calls Peggy and tells her he can’t have contact with her anymore. She’s pissed, and I have a feeling she’ll do something drastic by the end of the season. Lamar also wants to turn up the head on Coleman’s drug possession case. The DA wasn’t going to press charges, but Lamar’s going to change that. Lamar is just gross.

Anyway, Scarlett enjoys her night out a bit too much for Gunnar’s taste. She flirts with some guys and she sings a (gorgeous) karaoke version of Ring of Fire. Then she starts making out with one of the guys she as flirting with. Gunnar gets really pissed at Scarlett, says some unkind things to the guy she was kissing, and says some even more unkind things to Scarlett herself (including implying that she’s a slut). Scarlett, enraged, goes home to Deacon’s house, and Hayley is just flabbergasted and doesn’t know what to make of the situation. Instead of heading home, Scarlett goes to see Avery. She misses him and thinks she wants to get back together. Just as Scarlett’s starting to apologize, the manager walks out into the living room in her underwear and makes Scarlett look like a fool. Scarlett leaves the house again, hopefully for good this time.

There’s storminess going on all over Nashville in this episode. Rayna and Juliette are having a rather epic fight over what song to perform for the duet. Each wants to perform one of her own songs. Rayna just really lays in on Juliette, giving her this huge preachy speech about how Juliette is still new to the business, and Juliette storms out. Deacon tries to stand up for Juliette, and he gives Rayna a copy of “Undermine” to show that Juliette is actually a decent songwriter. Then he storms out too. Things don’t go any better for Juliette at home. She and Sean are getting pretty hot and heavy, but he backs out at the last minute when Juliette wants to have sex. This brings all of Juliette’s insecurities to the surface, and she kicks him out of the house. Later, Rayna stops by to (sort of) apologize, and she says that the only way they’re going to break through their impasse is to write a new song together. And they do. And the result is a whole lot of fun.

We get to see that result at the big anniversary concert. Before the show, Scarlett and Gunnar make up, which pissed me off just a little. I’d like to see Scarlett and Gunnar together eventually because he treats her better than Avery, but what he said to Scarlett at the club was in no way okay, and she doesn’t ever really call him on that. Sean and Juliette make up too, when he comes to see her in her dressing room before the show. He explains that he respects Juliette too much to have sex with her before marriage. Which is kind of cheesy, but sweet, I guess. The concert itself is a huge success. Rayna and Juliette blow the doors of the place with their finale song, which is a song about a cheater that really reminds me of Carrie Underwood’s “Before He Cheats.” Everybody seems to love it except for Teddy, who just looks guilty.

Arrow 1.07: "Muse of Fire"

“I think we need to stop judging him for the Oliver his was and start accepting him for the Oliver he is.”
- Moira

We start this week with Oli out for a ride on his motorcycle. He stops in the middle of the street (not so safe) and answers a call from Thea. She’s reminding him that he is scheduled to have lunch with Moira. Oli pleads ignorance but Thea insists he just go have lunch with her. It’s good he shows up actually. Moira is telling off a guy who is trying to get her to hear his proposal. Just as Oliver starts over another motorcycle pulls up and the driver shoots Moira’s not-business associate. Oliver, after making sure Moira is okay, takes off after the driver. He gets *this* close to catching up when a big truck gets in his way. He ends up at the hospital because Moira was not in fact okay. She has a grade 2 concussion. She can be released from the hospital but someone needs to stay with her. Oli feeds them a line about trying to get the license plate but Thea doesn’t believe him. Oli learns from Detective Lance that the guy who was killed is connected to the mob. Back at the man cave, Oli is training and doing some digging on the mob boss. Turns out lots of the boss’s affiliates have disappeared or turned up dead lately. Regardless, when Oli finds the shooter, there’s going to be another corpse. We cut to the other rider and it turns out to be a woman. Seems Starling City isn’t only Oli’s hunting grounds.

In a smaller side plot, Tommy shows up at Laurel’s with sushi and a request to go on a dinner date. She eventually agrees. I have to say I don’t really find their relationship that interesting. Anyway, Oli is heading out later that night for a business meeting when Tommy shows up. Thea is crabby that she has to curtail her night of clubbing to stay in with Moira. Tommy wants to give Oli the heads up that he and Laurel are going on a date. Oliver acts cool with it at first but then tells his best bud that if he hurts Laurel, Oli will snap his neck. I don’t doubt that. Holed up in her mom’s bedroom, Thea bemoans that Oliver keeps lying. Moira tells her that they need to stop expecting him to be the old Oliver. Oliver ends up meeting with the mob boss, Frank Bertanelli. He wants the contract to build the new applied sciences building for Queen Consolidated and Oliver says he can have it. Unfortunately, Frank gets called away to another meeting, leaving Oliver to go to dinner with Franks’ daughter, Helena. Oh boy.

Frank (and his associate played by Tahmoh Penikett) ends up meeting with the Triad leader China White. The Triad insists they aren’t taking out Frank’s guys. Somehow, Lance and his partner have ears on the conversation and they think that it isn’t a professional taking the hits out. At first, Oliver and Helena seem not to like each other but as the evening goes on they seem to connect. They both understand what it’s like to hold a version of yourself out to the world that isn’t the real you (you think?). Helena hates what her father does and warns Oliver about getting into bed with him. Oliver gets called away big Diggle but he’s actually sad to see the evening end. Meanwhile, over at an Indian restaurant, Tommy is actually being charming and says he wishes he and Laurel could just start fresh. And then the big slap in the face comes. His credit card has been denied and the company wants the restaurant to confiscate it. I guess he hasn’t paid his bill in a while.

Back at the Queen mansion, Moira gets a visit from the Well Dressed Man. He wants to make sure her convictions to whatever it is they’re doing haven’t waivered given her recent near-death experience. I do love me some John Barrowman but must admit I miss seeing him in that Captain’s coat. Anyway, Oliver is back on the phone with Diggle. It turns out Frank’s enforcer buddy has been going to all the people who owe the mob protection money and has put 4 people in the hospital already and is heading right to where Oli and Helena were having dinner. Things aren’t looking good until Oli kills the lights and swans in as Arrow. Not surprising the biker from earlier is there too. They end up going at it and Oli smashes the visor of the helmet, revealing Helena. He’s more than a little surprised to see her as she takes off.

Back at the man cave, Diggle is giving Oliver a talking to. He warns that Helena is the bad guy and Oliver needs to get his head on straight. Oliver says he knows what he’s doing. He clearly has the hots for her. Back home, he gets a visit from Detective Lance who tells Oli pretty much the same thing. Yeah, I don’t’ think he’s going to listen to the advice from him either. Things aren’t looking so good for Tommy, either. He’s discovered all of his accounts and credit cards have been frozen and cancelled. And in the big twisty reveal, the Well Dressed Man turns out to be his father. He’s tired of Tommy being lazy.

Oliver finds Helena visiting her fiancé Michael’s grave. She takes off after she tells him that the love she felt for Michael has turned to hate. Unfortunately, Frank’s number two rolls up and kidnaps both she and Oliver. He admits to killing Helena’s fiancé because he was going to the FBI. Helena corrects him that she was the one talking to the FBI and just as she’s about to get shot, Oliver breaks free and a full out beat down gets underway. I have to say Oliver and Helena would make an awesome duo. They take out everyone and as Oliver looks at Helena, a little surprised that she snapped a guy’s neck, she proclaims that no one can know her secret.

The end of the episode is really all about couples. Walter has come home because he misses Moira so they’re back to mending things with their marriage. Thea apologizes to Oliver about the way she’s been acting. Tommy shows up at Laurel’s apartment, desperate for a place to stay and help getting on his feet again. And Oliver and Helena come clean with each other before making out.

New Girl 2.09: "Eggs"

“What if all that's left are the weird eggs? And the evil eggs? I can feel them! They're turning. They've watched their brothers and sisters die. And now they want to be birthed. I need to be fertilized! Fertilize me, Los Angeles!”
-Jess

Other than Jess’ hysteria in the middle part of this episode (and some very questionable medical information), I thought “Eggs” was a cute and enjoyable watch. Oh and I was so thankful that the ridiculous contract relationship between Schmidt and the VP at his company is over almost as soon as it got started, too. It was much more sad than funny, and the way it ended was kind of empowering for both parties. So kudos, creative powers that be, for that one. I also enjoyed the Nick (and tangentially Winston) plot where Nick is challenged to finish something he starts for once in his life and ends up trying to finish the long talked about zombie novel. I liked that we got a little glimpse of Winston’s job and how he’s good at it and enjoys it, but I’m afraid his “adjusted schedule” is going to minimize what could be an entertaining character. What I didn’t especially love was the A story of this episode, where Jess and Cece both deal with the question of their fertility. The resolution was nice enough, but Jess’ hysterics getting to that point really bothered me.

The episode begins with Jess, Cece, and Nick having dinner with Jess’ gynecologist friend Sadie and Sadie’s wife. Sadie announces she’s pregnant, which is pretty joyous until Sadie makes a comment about how she squeaked in just under the line, considering fertility decreases significantly around age 30. This causes Jess to start freaking out, because she’s 30 and wants a family, but she’s nowhere near the point where she’d be able to, considering she’s not even in a relationship at the moment. Cece is much more blasé about the whole thing, claiming she may want kids someday, but definitely not now. Meanwhile, the gang can also hear Schmidt and his boss having sex in the next room. Schmidt’s boss isn’t impressed, so Schmidt joins the group in the dining room and begs for advice from Sadie (considering she’s a lesbian gynecologist, he figures she’s an authority on all things vagina). Sadie says that if Schmidt makes an appointment and pays the copay, she’ll give him the advice he’s asking for.

After Sadie and her wife leave, Jess has an epic freak-out. She starts going on and on about how she must be practically barren and all that’s left are the weird and evil eggs. She even yells out the window “fertilize me, Los Angeles” and “give my nipples purpose.” This doesn’t quite have the effect she was hoping for (there’s some heckling). What’s kind of amusing is that all the guys in the loft offer to be the father of Jess’ child (Jess, thankfully, declines). Jess and Cece visit Sadie so she can test their fertility and they’ll know their status for sure. Kind of predictably, Jess is unusually fertile, while Cece needs to start trying to have kids now if she ever wants to have any at all. Even though Cece wasn’t all gung ho about having kids, this does give her pause. She was expecting to have a lot more time to figure out how she felt about the issue, but clearly nature has other plans. Cece talks to Robbie about kids in general, and he says he wants kids, but not for another ten years or so. Clearly this relationship isn’t going to last long-term (which was pretty obvious).

Nick, shaken both by the fertility drama and a visit to Winston’s studio where Winston is clearly competent and happy, decides that he needs to finish the zombie romance novel he’s been talking about for years. He encounters writers’ block almost immediately, and in a vintage (hilarious) Jake Johnson semi-nonsensical rant, Nick declares that he is not going to try to be like Hemmingway. He wants to experience life so he has things to write about. Experiencing life turns into going to the zoo and drinking from a flask (apparently alcohol is “writer juice”). Nick also drags poor Winston along with him, even though, thanks to the “adjusted sleep schedule,” Winston has only had thirteen minutes of sleep. After Nick is pretty much falling down drunk and still wanting to look at the animals, Winston has had it. He accuses Nick of continuing to procrastinate and never finishing anything.

Meanwhile, Schmidt does actually make an appointment to see Sadie. He describes his various techniques to her in detail, and it actually turns Sadie on, which I thought was just kind of weird. Sadie claims that the pregnancy hormones are a lot less gay than she is. I don’t know readers, is this actually a thing? Anyway, Sadie’s reaction reassures Schmidt that he is indeed good in bed. After another round of sex that gets only mediocre praise from the VP, Schmidt has had it. He has it on good authority from both his model ex-girlfriend and a lesbian gynecologist that his technique is in the top percentile. Emma, the VP, basically calls Schmidt on having mentioned Cece on too many times to her. She thinks she has diagnosed the problem. She’s still in love with her ex-husband and Schmidt is still in love with Cece. Two people in love with other people do not have good sex, understandably. Schmidt is a little thrown by the fact that, thanks to Cece, he has to be in love to have good sex now.

The roommates all realize now (except for Winston, who really already realized it) that they’re adults now, and that’s scary. They have big decisions to make in their lives. That’s scary, though, so they all revel in a bit of childishness. Jess, Nick, and Schmidt all snuggle in Nick’s bed while Winston reads them Nick’s really terrible (but complete) zombie novel. There’s even a word search (without any actual words) in the middle of it. It’s a nice found family moment for the roommates, even if it’s just a brief respite from the bigger, real adult issues they’re all facing, and I think that’s what makes it sweet. Oh, and Nick is totally going to be the father of Jess’ babies, for better or worse (those are going to be some seriously neurotic kids). They’re just delaying the inevitable!

HIMYM 8.08: "Twelve Horny Women"

“We were bros. More than bros. We ate brunch together!”
-Marshall

This episode of HIMYM picked up not long after the last one left off. It’s the big Gruber Pharmaceuticals trial, pitting Marshall against old law school buddy Brad (Joe Manganiello). Marshall has been told that if he doesn’t win this trial, he’ll lose his environmental law job, so he’s understandably on edge. Meanwhile, the rest of the crew compete with (highly exaggerated) stories about which of them was the most badass as a teenager. I guess seeing all the delinquent teens at the courthouse while watching the Gruber trial brought that one on. And there’s a little Barney and Robin drama thrown in for good measure. Overall, this episode of HIMYM was entertaining and nothing stood out to me and especially horrific. It was still a little more cartoon-like than I prefer, but for HIMYM these days, it wasn’t bad. It was entertaining to see Joe Manganiello enjoy making fun of his new, post “True Blood” sex icon status There was also a brief but entertaining guest appearance from David Burtka (Neil Patrick Harris’ partner) as Lily’ high school boyfriend, Scooter. I liked how as the episode went on, nothing was as it first appeared.

The framing device for the episode is Marshall appearing before the New York Judiciary Committee. It appears that Marshall is in some sort of professional trouble, most likely related to his conduct at the Gruber Pharmaceutical trial, as the judges seem especially interested in learning what happened at that trial. As Marshall tells it, Brad was quite a formidable opponent in the court room, mostly because of his looks. And if you’ve seen “True Blood,” you will completely understand. The jury is all female (fortunate voir dire for Brad, that was), and all Brad has to do is bend down to pick up a pen, and he’s got them (and the judge) in the palm of his hand. Marshall tries to make a comeback by bringing in a duck named Paddles from the lake Gruber is accused of polluting. Marshall tells the jury that the duck has just finished weeks of treatment for acute dermatitis. Marshall almost has the jury right there, but then Brad shows a video of himself (shirtless, of course) enjoying Frog Lake with no ill effects. The video is super-cheesy but amusing, along the lines of Barney’s video resume from season 4.

Anyway, like I mentioned earlier, the B plot in this episode involves every character but Marshall telling tall tales about what badasses they were as teenagers. I think Lily’s was the best, even though it (like all the rest) was proven false. Lily fancied herself a teenage Omar Little from “The Wire,” whistling “A Hunting We Will Go,” as little kids ran down the street in front of her saying “Lily’s comin’, Lily’s comin’!” Badass!Lily also treated Scooter horribly, of course. She scared him, actually. Lily’s story falls apart when she demands her rap sheet from the court clerk and the clerk says there isn’t one. Robin’s story was my next favorite. She claims that she was a rock and roll rager in the hotels during her Robin Sparkles tour and that one time she got a DUI after passing out on a Zamboni. It turns out, though, that Robin was actually given an award for being the most courteous hotel guest ever. Lame! Ted claims that “Teddy Westside” was a menace in Ohio, and we see what looks like a mug shot is being taken, but Ted’s actually at a Renaissance Faire. Barney uses the fact that the bailiff at the court recognizes him to prove he was a badass, but it turns out that the bailiff just knows Barney from a magic club they were both in when Barney was a teen.

In other, non law-related news, Barney and Robin have been super awkward since their drunken kiss in the last episode. They go out of their way to be pleasant with “Hi, how are you?” and such, but it’s obvious something’s off. By the end of the episode, Barney has had it. He tells Robin he wants to go back to normal. He also tells her that he’s done chasing her and making a fool out of himself for her. This made me kind of sad, but maybe it’s the kick in the pants Robin needed to stop acting like such an idiot and maybe realize that Barney has grown up a bit. Anyway, Barney goes over to the bar to get them some drinks, and Robin looks wistful, so maybe the kick in the pants did indeed happen. I certainly hope so. And even though I never thought they would be a conventional couple that needed to get married, I hope the wedding ends up happening, too. Mostly because I’m tired of being jerked around. It’s clear that they are endgame, so I’m sick of all the delay tactics.

Anyway, back in the courtroom, Marshall makes one last ditch effort to win the case. He calls Brad to the stand and asks him to take off his shirt. Of course, even though Brad objects, the judge is only too happy to oblige. It turns out that Brad has the same dermatitis that Paddles the duck had. Marshall wins the case, but the judge only awards him $25,000. Marshall is pretty upset about this until he and Brad go out for brunch for old times’ sake. Brad says that Marshall inspired him to go work for the environmental law firm after all. He also says that idealistic, fair-minded people like Marshall should be judges. It turns out that Marshall wasn’t in front of the Judiciary Committee for any professional misconduct. He’s there to interview for a potential judgeship. Setting aside the fact that this is absolutely not how Marshall would get a judgeship in real life (a quick Google tells me that trial court judges in New York are chosen via a system much like the electoral college, where primary voters elect convention delegates, who in turn choose candidates for judgeships), I thought it was a sweet little turn of events. Marshall would be an excellent judge. He’d probably drive his clerk batty with his habit of singing as he works, but he’d be an excellent judge.

Revolution 1.10: "Nobody's Fault But Mine"

“No, I mean I’m sorry I didn’t kill you the first time. You’re not the same person. You’re too far gone, I see that now. We are not family. Not anymore. I have a family. You are nothing to me.”
- Miles

We have finally reached the mid-season finale and boy does it deliver. We begin five years after the blackout during the Trenton Campaign (Which Reed Diamond’s character referenced in the last episode). Things don’t seem to be going well. For one thing bullets are becoming scares. Monroe makes a joke about being like pirates and using swords (if he only knew) but all the laughter stops when he realizes Miles is bleeding. Miles tries to get Bass to go but Bass isn’t abandoning his best friend. Back in the present in Philly, Miles leads the gang to the house of Major Kippling. Nora pulls a “I’m a hooker here for your entertainment” rouse long enough for him to open the door and Miles to push in. Once inside, Nora tends to Charlie (her head’s bleeding again) and Miles says he needs to do some recon on Danny. So he takes off while everyone else relaxes and dozes off. Their rest is interrupted by militia bursting in led by Neville. He has Aaron and Nora hauled off and Charlie drugged and thrown in a cell. And for the first time in a good decade, mother and daughter are finally reunited.

Things are all happy time and roses between Charlie and Rachel. In fact, Rachel is kind of babbling on about how she was trying to kill Monroe and escape with Danny and blubbering about how beautiful Charlie is. Charlie just stares at her mom and then finally makes her snap out of it. They’re going to work together to get Danny. As they’re trying to find a way out of the cell, Charlie reveals that her dad told her to go to Miles after he died. Rachel is a little unnerved by that and asks if her uncle hurt her at all. Before they can say much more, Strauser (the pig) comes in and drags them both off. Meanwhile, Neville gloats a bit to Aaron and Nora. He tries to knock Aaron down a few pegs but Aaron doesn’t engage. Good for him. Neville is pretty smug that his trap for Miles is going to work. Until he gets downstairs and is about to pour himself a drink, only to find Miles standing there with a sword to Julia’s throat. Miles wants a trade: Nora and Aaron for Julia.

Julia tells Neville he can’t make the trade. But Neville loves her and so he lets Aaron and Nora go. He even gives up the location of where Monroe has the kids. He and Julia get locked in a closet for their trouble. Of course, Neville threatens to kill Miles one day for all of this. Somehow, when it comes to Miles, I think Neville’s bark is worse than his bite. Meanwhile, at the power plant (where Charlie and Danny and Rachel are being kept), the Mathesons have a little family reunion. It doesn’t last long because Monroe shows up and tells Rachel she is going to finish the real amplifier. As incentive, Strauser tells Rachel she has to pick which one of the kids he’s going to kill. Charlie is trying to tell her mom that it’s not worth it. That thousands will die if Monroe gets power back. She even goes as far as offering herself up to Strauser. This is all too much for Rachel and she agrees to work on the amplifier. Charlie and Danny are sent back to the holding cell and Strauser has strict instructions from Monroe: if Rachel so much as breathes funny, Charlie and Danny are dead. Somehow, I highly doubt that killing his best friend’s niece and nephew is the best way to win back your buddy’s loyalty.

Rachel is working on the amplifier and Strauser is taunting her, begging her to mess it up. He wants to have his way with Charlie. He really is a suck bastard. Meanwhile, Baker (aka Mark Pellegrino) is questioning why Monroe wants Miles brought in alive. Monroe doesn’t really give an answer until Baker offers to kill Miles. Monroe flashes back to two years before the blackout. He’s sitting by some graves and Miles pulls up. It’s obvious Bass has been drinking (well okay he still is) and Miles figures out that Bass thinks he should be dead. He survived two tours of duty in Iraq only to come home and find his family killed by a drunk driver. When Bass bemoans that he’s alone and has nothing left, Miles says that they’re brothers and they have each other. In the present, Charlie and Danny manage to escape their cell and go in search of Rachel while outside, Aaron is trying to get the rest of the group into the power plant.

Things are starting to converge. Miles and Nora sneak into the plant while Aaron wits outside with pipe bombs, ready to detonate them for a quick exit. Charlie and Danny are making their way out of the plant and fall under gunfire. Charlie tries to make the gun she stole from one of the militia guys work but she’s having problems. They’re nearly caught when Miles comes to the rescue. He’s more than a little surprised to find out Rachel is alive. He sends the kids off with Nora as he goes in search of his sister-in-law. Rachel finishes the amplifier and plugs the pendant in. It actually works (well I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised). Strauser is trying to hit on Rachel when she smacks him with a hammer. He hits her right back and it looks like he’s about to torture her when she smacks him with the hammer again and stabs him I the chest. That’s becoming her signature. Miles walks in shortly thereafter and they share an intense moment where it really looks like they’re about to kiss. Instead, Rachel smacks him good across the face. Baker and his boys show up, forcing Miles and Rachel to run. Unfortunately they come up against Monroe and the epic showdown has begun.

Miles takes out the guard surrounding Monroe and soon it’s just the two of them. Miles flashes back to when they were kids, playing in the woods and when they came up with the symbol that would later be associated with everything Monroe Militia. Monroe tells Miles that they’re still family and that he wants Miles to come back. He’d even let Rachel and the kids live. Miles flat out refuses, saying they’re not family anymore. Monroe is at first lost for words and then resorts to trying to pummel the crap out of Miles. They wail on each other for a while before pulling out the swords (I must have missed that Miles has two) and they fight for a while like that before Baker shows up. Bass gives the order to kill Miles but they are really bad shots. He dives out a window. The rest of the gang has made it out of the plant thanks to Aaron. There’s a really funny bit where Charlie’s waiting by the hole in the wall for Miles and as he comes running through, she beams at him and he says “run you idiot”. Totally should be an internet meme. As they all think they’ve run to safety, a chopper flies into the air as Monroe looks on from above. Honestly Rachel, you should have snagged the pendant before running off. But I guess that sets up the big dilemma for the second half of the season.