Sunday, March 15, 2015

Once Upon a Time 4.15: "Enter the Dragon"

“They want to shift the entire balance. So villains win and heroes lose.”
- Regina

So I can’t wait to see how Maleficent fits into the lifestyle of Storybrooke. I have a feeling she has better style than Cruella (seriously the furs are a bit much). I also heard that August would be making an appearance and that excites me too! We start though with Regina making contact with the Queens who are having drinks at Granny’s. Apparently taking a shot and then crushing the glass kinda proves Regina is evil. Well, okay so they take her to a railroad crossing (there’s trains that run through Storybrooke?) and basically play chicken with said oncoming train. Regina poofs them all to safety at the last second which apparently means she’s not evil (hello self-preservation…you can’t reach havoc if you’re dead morons) but she proposes getting into some deeper trouble to prove herself. Elsewhere, Emma is not happy that the Charmings didn’t clue her in on Regina’s undercover operation and she’s also very upset that Regina missed her check-in.

Back in the Enchanted Forest, we find young Regina bitching about Snow’s happy childhood and getting everything she wants. She’s found Maleficent’s spell book in Cora’s things and she kind of is fangirling over the whole turning into a dragon bit. Rumple shows up and after Regina accuses him of not being a good teacher, he poofs her to a wasteland that Mal destroyed back in the day, hoping to teach Regina some patience. Given that Mal took half a lifetime to cultivate her power to destroy the place (a single tree remains on fire all this time later) I guess they aren’t actually contemporaries. What Regina finds is a drunk Mal who is just really bitchy. Apparently she’d put Aurora’s mom under a sleeping curse and her hubby came and broke it. She kicks Regina out of the castle. Regina runs into a random guy on his way to Aurora’s wedding which prompts her to head back to Mal’s castle and try and rally her to kick Aurora’s ass. Mal isn’t interested though because she lost her fire long ago. Regina tries to convince her that they can get it back. After all, if Mal can get her revenge, then someday so can Regina. Regina points out the tree on fire and after a few tries, Mal manages to suck in the flames. But when King Stefan shows up, she fails to turn into a dragon. Performance anxiety or just rusty? With a little prompting from Regina, Mal gets her mojo back and together they kick King Stefan’s ass and then put Aurora to sleep (and presumably Mal turns Phillip into the fiery beast that was plaguing Mulan’s village). Regina ends up putting Snow’s prize horse to sleep and commits herself to learning patience to get what she wants. Joy.

Back in Storybrooke, Emma is kind of freaking out that they can’t find Regina. Turns out she’s been partying it up with the bad girls club and did a little destruction of city property to gain their trust. She’s going back under again and this time, Snow and Charming can’t just wander around in broad daylight looking for her. Oh and Henry is still working Operation Mongoose by himself while his moms are busy dealing with this new crisis. While Regina picked up on the fact that the Queens were hiding something, she hasn’t sussed out that they’re hiding Rumple. He wants to bring war to Storybrooke for some reason (yeah because that’s going to get your wife back you idiot).

It turns out Regina and the girls went drinking in her vault which is where Mal finds Regina later that morning. Maleficent even offers Regina some aspirin for her hangover. Understandably Regina questions the gesture of good will. Maleficent explains they’re after the Author, too and that evening, they are going to steal something that gives them a lead over the heroes. At the library, Regina meets up with the Charmings and Hook (seriously dude doesn’t have a da job?) to explain that the Queens want to shift the balance so evil wins. Emma still isn’t happy with Regina going this alone so she is going to tail the shenanigans tonight to have Regina’s back. I’m guessing Emma is also worried that Regina might slip and go full-on evil again.

So I know I was wondering (along with Regina and the Charmings) what this new lead was. Turns out it’s little Pinocchio. Mal wants Regina to kidnap him. Obviously she doesn’t realize that Regina is a mother now and has certain reservations about hurting kids. But Regina goes in anyway and knocks both he and Marco out. The look on her face though while she’s doing it, you can tell she hates what she’s doing. Oh and we get a super awkward date interruption from Hook (just as Belle and Willa re about to dive into a huge chocolate cake). Hook steals Belle away for a private chat which basically boils down to move Rumple’s dagger so the newest baddies in town can’t use it. Yeah, I seriously don’t trust Hook on this. I mean we don’t know that he knows that Rumple’s in town but I just get super dodgy vibes off him. There’s a reason I got dodgy vibes from him. It’s not really Hook. It’s Rumple in disguise and he snows his wife once again and gets his hands on the dagger so she can’t use it against him. Bastard! He dons Hook’s guise again to make a “pirate’s oath” to not talk to anyone ever again. And then we get the awkward chat about Will and Belle. So weird.

Emma nearly throws a wrench in Regina’s undercover work when she sneaks into Marco’s garage and tries to talk Regina out of taking Pinocchio. Ultimately though Regina wins the argument and takes the kid. But not before ditching her phone so Emma can’t follow. Come on, Swan, you had to see that one coming! The ladies head to Gold’s cabin where Rumple reveals himself to Regina. He also reveals that they don’t plan on torturing a little boy (thank goodness), they’ll beat the answers out of grown up August. Well this is going to be interesting!

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