Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Selfie 1.06: "Never Block Cookies"

“And off the record, some people don’t see casual sex as a cure all. Some of us want the real thing.”
- Henry

In case you’re wondering why we have two episodes of “Selfie” this week, ABC cancelled “Manhattan Love Story” and decided to double up on “Selfie” this week. So here is our second installment. Eliza is busy at her desk messing around on her phone when Henry reminds her that she shouldn’t be sending (or receiving) half naked snap chats from her office boyfriend. Eliza determines that Henry’s bad mood is because he needs to get laid and so she is now on a mission to assist in this endeavor. She manages to sort of convince Charmonique to help out, too. Charmonique remembers one of the baristas in the coffee shop asked about Henry once. So it’s time to plot. While Henry is obsessively reorganizing his office supplies on his desk, Eliza obtains a gift card to the coffee shop in the hopes of getting him to run into the barista. Henry is clueless about her efforts and he is totally cock blocking the cute Asian barista. She tries to give him a cookie with his coffee but he doesn’t want it (it has nuts and eating around them is too hard).

Upstairs, Saperstein is being very bizarre. Charmonique isn’t at her desk to greet him (she’s busy plotting with Eliza to get Henry onto lots of dating websites and then throw a party with sexually intentioned women who want Henry). So because Charmonique isn’t there, Sapersteins tarts singing to and dancing with female employees. It’s kind of creepy and the employment discrimination guru in me is going “good lord someone could totally sue for sexual harassment). He even makes a young woman named Fatima who is supposed to interview for an admin position feel really awkward. I don’t blame her. He’s being super weird. When Henry comes back from getting his coffee, Eliza tries to find out his interests and turn-offs without being too obvious. She just comes off as kind of creepy and Henry is basically confused by the whole thing (as he usually is).

Saperstein is heading to meet his wife for lunch when his son-in-law asks if he can apply for the admin position (turns out Fatima was applying for it at the company). Saperstein doesn’t apparently like his son-in-law very much and tells him to just float off when his wife arrives. He’s also creepily happy that Fatima is going to get the job. Dude seriously needs some boundaries. His wife tells him to make things right with their son-in-law and until he does, she’s eating lunch alone (their version of him sleeping on the couch I’m guessing). Eliza and Charmonique head into Henry’s office to try and glean any info they can from his computer. Saperstein walks in and finds the girls snooping but as soon as they point out the sad state of Henry’s love life, he’s all in. He corners Henry in the bathroom and confirms that he doesn’t have any venereal diseases. Well that’s good to know at least. But it doesn’t help them that much. Eliza asks Henry to join her for a drink Thursday night and Larry warns (quite happily) that Eliza wants Henry sexually. He and Eliza may not want to admit it, but Larry is totally right. Over at Eliza’s place that night, Charmonique and Eliza are trying to pick women to invite to their little gathering for Henry but Eliza keeps blocking all the girls that Charmonique thinks are acceptable. Eliza says that she knows what Henry’s type is and none of them fit. Well I’m assuming the barista would actually be a good fit and that will just eat at Eliza a lot.

Eliza goes to Henry’s the night before their sort-of date to pre-game him. Things get rather intimate quickly when she’s trying to teach him to casually find reasons to touch women and he just grabs her by the waist and pulls her in close. It’s kind of hot and you could tell they felt the tension. Mostly because Eliza then runs off. The next day, Saperstein reconciles with his son-in-law and discovers that he has a really cheery personality even when angry and promotes him to customer service representative. That seems to have worked out well. That night, Eliza and Charmonique populate the party with lots of women who look like them. Henry calls them on it, saying they were in it for themselves and he storms off. Eliza goes after him to apologize (and get his credit card so that she could use it to pay the bar tab) when Henry accidentally almost takes a woman’s uber ride. She’s remarkably like Henry in personality and they end up getting in the car together for a drink somewhere quiet. Eliza seems proud of Henry (if a little sad) and Charmonique goes running after the car to block the whole thing. I kind of laughed at that part.

I have to say I’m ready for Henry and Eliza to admit the feeling they have growing and try to give things a try. I think it would be an interesting experience and experiment for the both of them. To see if they could implement what they’ve been trying to instill in one another while being in a relationship because really, I know not all shows with opposite sex leads need to get together (see my position on Ichabod and Abbie on “Sleepy Hollow”) but these two need to be together. I’ll admit I’m not overly familiar with “My Fair Lady” on which the show is based but I’m betting it was a romantic comedy of sorts and that the two main characters had to end up together. Given the ratings of the show I’m not sure we’ll see more than the initial 13 episodes but I hope the writers at least try to get them together, even if it’s just for an episode and they decide they’re not ready for that kind of a relationship. Because really, that tension needs to be resolved!

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